Adventures with Deidara
by FearTheFan
Summary: Deidara is tired of those stupid ninjas that think they're better 'cuz they got magic eyes. So he teams up with Rai to get revenge on them all. WARNING: If you can't stand bashing, stay away. Rating might go up to T. Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto
1. Chapter 1

_ADVENTURES with DEIDARA_

"I hate this, yeah/un/hn!" yelled the blonde, artsy, girly-looking Akatsuki member. "Stupid Uchiha's thinking they're so great with their genetics and spiny eyes, yeah/un/hn."

Deidara was complaining about how the shinobi with their kekki-genkai think it makes them so superior, in circles, around a tree, not even a mile away from the gates of Konoha.

"I'm tired of those Uchihas! My art is so much better than their stupid eyes, yeah/un/hn!"

Obviously, Deidara's ranting attracted some attention. A blonde head that seemed to be on fire was running to the Deidara Ranting Tree.

"Ranting Tree?"

_Yes, Ranting Tree._

"Laaamme."

_Is not._

"Is too."

_Is not._

"Yeah, totally lame, yeah/un/hn."

_Shut up or you'll end up in an emo hole. _

_To continue..._

The blonde kunochi raced up to a yard away from the Ranting Tree. "Deidara of the Akatsuki, state your reason here and pre-seed into custody." Deidara stopped ranting in circles to look at her. She was average height, had blue eyes, blonde hair in a side pony-tail on the top of her head with bangs that framed her face. Half way from the roots of her hair, it turned red in an uneven fashion giving it the look to be on fire. She wore a purple corset top, black mini skirt, fishnet leggings that stopped at her knees, her forehead protector around her neck, and the green jounin jacket opened, instead of the usual closed look.

"Who are you, yeah/un/hn?"

"I am Rai, jounin of Konohakagure," she said proudly.

"Just arrest me, yeah/un/hn!!!" Deidara said weepingly, holding out his wrists, "It'd be best, I can't go outside anymore. Damn you Uchihas, Hyuugas, and other people with oh so great character special power thingies, yeah/un/hn!"

Rai stood there, her head cocked to the side, then started cracking up.

"Am I that lame?"

Continues laughing.

"Hey, how it that fair, yeah/un/hn?"

Still laughing.

"Stop it!"

"Sorry, sorry," Rai said, "Its just I was tricking you. I'm not taking you in. I'm going to help you."

"Really, yeah/un/hn."

"Yes! For to long have excellent ninjas been outshone by the likes of Uchihas and Hyuugas! Now it is time for revenge! Mwahahahahahahhhaahaha-cough cough-wahahaha"

Deidara shrugged and joined in "Mwahahahahahahahahahahahah! Ha ha ha ha, eh. So how are we going to do it, yeah/un/hn?"

"I'm getting there!" Rai whined.

May I suggest ruining their lives?

"No you can't."

"How about ruining their lives, yeah/un/hn?"

"That's a great idea Deidara!"

⚇Ü»Ü…Ü«Ü ⚆

"So what's the plan, yeah/un/hn?"

"Well, we must find ways to torture them for the rest of their lives. Since they rely on those eyes so much, why don't we just pull them out?"

"Yes, but we can make it worse, yeah/un/hn. We could put meatloaf in their eyesockets!"

"No, we have to torture them, then put meatloaf in their eyesockets. Who to torture first..."

"ITACHI!" Deidara said with his eyes aflaming, "It's time to teach him a lesson, yeah/un/hn! Calling me a girl, I'll show you GirlyMan!!!! ITS TIME FOR REVENGE!"

"But how is the question."

The Authress suggests that you... make him feel stupid... By making him think he has gone blind... And... KISSING KISAME! So the Authress suggests, yes.

"For once that pathetic Authress is right, yeah/un/hn."

Glad we feel the same way.

"SO ITACHI UCHIHA, RAI, JOUNIN OF THE LEAF VILLAGE AND DEIDARA OF THE AKATSUKI WILL COME TO SMITE YOU!!!!"

EnD

So yes, this ends the first chapter of ADVENTURES with DEIDARA. Next chapter I will open a Ask A Naruto Character thingy at the end of each chapter, so ask away. You can ask any Naruto character anything, within infantile reasoning and appropriate to keep this story at least rated T. Start asking now while you still can!

See you next time! Bye-Byez!

FearTheFan


	2. Chapter 2

Adventures with Deidara

_Chapter 2_

_Akatsuki Base, in the middle of somewhere_

Deidara looked at his watch, ''3:00 AM'' it read. _Better check if everyone's asleep,_ he thought. He pulled out an AK-47 and shot it in the air. _Well, no one bothered to come out._ He pulled out his walkie-talkie, "They're asleep, how is the camera coming, yeah/un/hn?" **bzzt**

"Good" Rai responded, "they're in so good no one can see them without looking for 'em. You ready yet?" **bzzt**

"Yeah, I got the byakugan contacts **(1)** right here, yeah/un/hn." **bzzt**

"Get him sedated then." **bzzt**

"Done, yeah/un/hn." **bzzt**

Deidara pulled the contacts out of their container, opening one of Itachi's eye's at a time and putting them in.

"Putting them in... And, done, yeah/un/hn!!!" **bzzt**

"Good, now head back and I'll turn on the cameras." **bzzt**. The two shinobi exited the building soundlessly.

_-0-0-0-0-0-_

"Yawn," Itachi yawned with his eye's still closed. He didn't even want to count the number of times he saw something hideously disgusting on his bed **(2)**, so he kept them closed until he was out. He shuffled out of his bed making his way with his eyes closed to his mirror. He opened his eyes at the mirror, then closed them again. **(3)** He repeated this ten more times before he rubbed his eyes and then opened them. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO-OOOOO-OOOOOOOOOOO-OH!!!!!!!!!! I'VE GONE, BLIND!!!!" Itachi cried dramatically in a Shatner-like fashion. Itachi tried to walk out of his room, but tripped every step. On Itachi's fateful trip to the stair case, he knocked over twelve civilians, five vases, and Zetsu. While this happened, Kisame got a mysterious text message from a pay phone that told him to go to the front of the stair case.

As Itachi was about to walk past the stair case, Kisame yelled, "Hey Itachi, come over here and look at this strange text message!"

"Coming!" Itachi yelled as he turned to the stair case, tripping on the first step and went flying towards Kisame. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-HHHHHHHHHH-HHHHHHHHHH-pant-AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!" they both yelled. Itachi's face planted onto Kisame's and then they both passed out. **(4)** As the kiss scene happened, a silent click and whir went off on the hidden cameras as Rai and Deidara were rolling on the ground laughing.

"C'mon, we got to get this picture on the web, yeah/un/hn!" Deidara exclaimed with joy. So the blonde ninjas flumped **(5)** among the trees to get to the closest computer with Internet access. "Ya know, Deidara," Rai said while flumping, "You look pretty. No wonder fangirls are all over you-"

"Well I am beautiful," Deidara said cutting in.

"And Sasori pairings," She said finishing her statement. Deidara almost fell out of mid-flump gagging. "Anyway," Rai went on, "Who do we go after next?"

_End Chapter 2_

**Author's Notes:**

**(1)** You can't see out of byakugan contacts do to the fact of no pupils

**(2)**Poor Itachi, he can't even enjoy waking up in the morning

**(3)** He's trying to clear his eye's

**(4)** I am not a supporter of Itachi, Kisame, or any other yaoi pairing. Period.

**(5)** Flumping: the act of fly jumping, read or watch Naruto, you'll see what I'm talking about

**Naruto Character Mail Bag**

**Deidara:** Woooooooo!!! We get asked some questions!!!

**Naruto cast:** Horrah, not.

**Rai:** Look! Look! The author has come with the box of comments!

Me carrying a box labeled "Comments"

**Deidara**: Wow that's a lot of comments.

**Me:** Huh, comments, no, just my socks!

**Cast:** Awwwww.

**Me:** But there is one and its from... **GaaraxxxheartxxxAi**

**GaaraxxxheartxxxAi: Q: My question is for Gaara.**

**Gaara: Will you go out with me?**

**Yea i know dumb question.**

**funny chapter by the way. **

**Gaara: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

Okay, everyone that's gonna send in a question, we really don't want questions about going out on dates. Thank you all for reading and comments and questions please, its what feeds these guys!

Karin, stop trying to eat Suigestsu!

Bye Bye!

_-FTF_


End file.
